My younger sister--my only sibling--and I could not be more different. I'm blonde, she's brunette. She's skinny, I'm, well, not. She tans, I burn. I'm liberal, she's conservative. But I always figured that when we became parents we'd parent alike simply because we were raised by the same parents. Nothing could be further from the truth. Now, I'm not going to get all judgy about her parenting style versus mine because I believe we all (all of us moms, dads, parents) are only trying to do what's best for our kids. I don't think any of us inherently sets out to make mistakes (although we all do at some point or another). It's just interesting to me that two women, two moms, who were raised by the same parents raised us with the same manners and values, parent as differently as we do.
My sister's kids are growing up with a family bed, more out of necessity than by choice. As a full-time working parent, my sister has to get sleep however she can and her kids have always slept best with her and her husband in their bed. I don't blame her for that. Heck, my son's spent a few early morning hours in our bed just so we could catch a few extra winks, so who am I to judge? But it was important to me and my husband from the beginning that our kids learn to sleep in their own beds. That's just the way we choose to parent. It doesn't mean I'm right and my sister is wrong. And, luckily, she and I have never argued about this topic.
Still, there are other topics, especially as our kids get older, where we differ in our opinions. I'm nervous that these differences could drive us, and our kids, apart if we're not careful. And I don't want to let that happen.
For instance, my sister lets my four-year-old niece watch Hannah Montana. We don't let our daughter watch that show or others like it where the main characters are in their tweens. We want our daughter to stay a little girl as long as possible and we hope that by limiting what she's allowed to watch we
can do that for a few more years. But I know LOTS of kids watch those shows and that's fine if it's fine with their parents. But now my daughter is getting some peer pressure from her cousin. The other day Delaney said, "But Auntie lets my cousin watch that show! And my cousin wants to know Why I can't watch it! Why can't I watch it, mommy?" Of course I told her that mommy and daddy think that show is a little too grown up for her but it's difficult to make a three-year-old understand that mommy and Auntie have made different decisions, especially when her cousin tells her she's not cool because she can't watch it.
This year for Christmas my sister is buying my niece a Barbie Jeep. You know, one of those miniature cars kids can actually drive around in? I think they're dangerous, especially for kids who are just three and four years old, and I don't want my daughter driving or riding on one. But bringing up this topic with my sister could prove dicey. By asking her to respect my views about this she may, at the same time, feel judged by me. It never occurred to me when I became a parent that one of my many challenges would be navigating the choppy waters of differing parenting styles with my own sister. I guess it's time for me to batten down the hatches and set a course for discussing difficult topics such as these. I only hope she'll be open to discussing these things with me too.
[photo credit: SXC]
