My latest Mama Gotta-Haves: Thongs, thongs and not-thongs

Peaked your interest, didn't I? Well, before we get down to the nitty, gritty (and, yes, wedgie) business of thongs proper, let's talk about my new favorite thong--shoe, that is. 

Thongs

I am a flip flop gal of the highest order. I wear them constantly and I hate--HATE!!!--wearing any other regular, choke-your-feet-slowly-in-a-sweaty-dark-hole kind of shoes. My toesies need to breathe! But, as you have probably experienced yourself, flip flops are not exactly foot-friendly:

"...researchers say flip-flops hurt our feet and lead to lower-leg injuries...Unlike more stable shoes, flip-flops do not absorb the impact of steps, forcing the arch, heel calf or back to bear the brunt of the force."

I've run hobbled to the podiatrist one too many times at the hands of my flip flop addiction. Plantar Fasciitis was the worst diagnosis I received (on top of the constant ankle and knee pain from which I suffered). My doctor's prescription? Ditch the flip flops. But did I? Um, no. Like women before me who proudly suffered the pain of wearing super sexy spike heels, I, too, suffered for my love of the toe-freeing thongs. I figured the only thing to do was limp about the rest of my life, toes breathing easy but ankles cracking and popping wherever I went. The act of sneaking up on anyone was one I'd long ago abandoned (*snap! crack! pop!*). But then I found FitFlops!

They are a bit pricey for a casual shoe (about $60 for the pair I grabbed at Macy's), but they DO NOT HURT YOUR FEET or any other part of your body. In fact, wearing them is a little like walking on sand. My knees no longer hurt, my back doesn't ache, my ankles rarely pop. And I've found that I can walk long distances comfortably in them (i.e. all over Sea World), something I could never do in regular ol' flip flops. The FitFlop tout is that they actually give your legs a work out while you wear them (note the focus on tight, brown, sexy legs on their web site instead of the shoes and by the way, exactly WHO has legs like that outside of a Project Runway episode [premiering August 20 by the way!!!]?). I can't really speak about that as my legs are just as white and spongy as they were before I started wearing FitFlops (I know, stop with the oversexed images of my calves already, right?). But I don't care. I do care that I can now wear a pretty pair of black, sequined FitFlops and finally not suffer for my idiosyncratic choice in footwear.

Thongs

OK, here's the dirt: I'm 38-years-old and I just started wearing a thong. I KNOW. It's as shocking as Grandma getting a Facebook account. I mean, really, what took me so long? While acting as my personal shopper (because I have NO taste when it comes to clothes) my sister goaded me into what will forever be known as The Thong Experiment. I was hesitant at first but once she introduced me to the bottomless, pantyline-less splendor that is a thong I (almost) never looked back. I must admit that wearing the "floss" took a little getting used to, but now I'm hooked (or wedged, as the case may be). I have no specific brand to recommend (yet) but what I can tell you is that lycra is my friend.

Not-thongs

What's a girl to do if she just can't jump on (or into) the thong bandwagon? Look, I hear ya. It took me THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS to make the leap (even though my pantyline screamed "I'm wearing UNDERWEAR!!!" Every. Single. Day.). Luckily, I'm here to offer you a nice, conservative solution. Try Naomi & Nicole's Wonderful Edge line of panties. They're sheer and soft and they've got rubber (silicone?) gripper lines that stick the panties to your rump (Why, yes, I do have a way with words, thank you for noticing) so they don't move or create bulky, uncomfortable panty lines. I bought a few pair the same day as The Thong Experiment in case it didn't work out. As you know from reading above, it did. But even I, Thong-wearing Matronly Sex Goddess of the Universe, occasionally enjoy extra coverage for my more ample assets, if you know what I mean. I bought my Wonderful Edge panties at Macy's but you can get them online too.