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Anger, confusion, frustration over H1N1 vaccine recall

 When I heard about the H1N1 vaccine recall of 800,000 doses last week I was furious. As a parent who took a lot of time researching, soul-searching and thinking before deciding to give my young children the H1N1 vaccine I feel betrayed by Sanofi Pasteur and our own government. And, at the very least, I feel ripped off after spending hours finding and getting the vaccine for my children and paying $38 (non-refundable from what I can tell even though there's been a recall) for it ($19 per dose per child).

I was already in a foul mood over the H1N1 vaccine because we were unable to find any place in town to get my kids their second dose. There was just no vaccine to be had in our city of over 1 million people! Then I learned that their first dose was recalled due to lack of potency. 

From an article on Newswise.com:

"...according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the potency of the vaccine was still good enough to provide immunity for the children who received the vaccine, provided the second dose is received 28 days later."

Supposedly parents shouldn't worry about this recall because all it means (again, supposedly) is that the vaccine my kids received wasn't potent enough to cause an adequate immune reaction. This wouldn't be a big deal (supposedly!) if my kids got their second dose 28 days after their first dose but, again, we have yet to find the vaccine available AND I'm not sure I want to inject my kids with another vaccine that may or may not work, that may or may not be eventually recalled.

As we've all learned over the last several months H1N1 has, so far, proved to be a mostly mild disease (although tell that to the parents and families whose children have died from it). But what if it had been the virulent, prolific killer we thought it might have been last spring? It's painfully obvious that the vaccine manufacturers and our own health care system are not equipped to adequately protect the U.S. population from a potentially deadly virus in a timely manner. I shudder to think what would have happened if this particular virus had proved to be more deadly.

So now I start the researching, the soul-searching and the careful consideration all over again. Do I continue to try to source more H1N1 vaccine for my kids to get them that second dose? Or do I consider us lucky that this recall was not (supposedly) related to safety concerns and decide not to get my kids their second dose (IF I can even find it) in case the next one is?

How do I put my trust in a system that can't seem to get it right and in vaccine manufacturers who have pocketed millions on a recalled vaccine? I'm not sure that I can.

Less stress over teacher gifts

So the holiday season is upon us. Or, if you're like me, it's crashing down upon you and sweeping you into a sea of stress, sugar and spending overload. There's a reason for the season and it's to increase our dependency on the wine and psychotherapy we'll need to overcome the many "joys" of Christmas.

But, I digress. With a mother's already long list of worries over whether or not she's prepared the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER for her family, the last thing she needs is to spend precious time fretting over teacher gifts. 

Last year my daughter was our only child in school. She had two teachers. I gave them each a $20 Target gift card. It was stress-free for me, a bit of fun money for them and everyone walked away happy.

But this year both of our kids are in school and they have a total of eight, YES I SAID EIGHT, teachers between them. Talk about stress. Even Tiger Woods can't begin to fathom the stress of selecting gifts for eight teachers (Now, gifts for eight or 16 or 32 girlfriends? That's a different story.).

Obviously $20 gift cards for eight teachers was not in our budget. Shocking, right? So, what's a mom to do?

This year I purchased a package of eight mini, holiday gift bags. I headed to Central Market to find three or four interesting, tiny, inexpensive items (around $1 each) to put in them (and I'm sure you could also find these fun and funky items at places like Whole Foods or Trader Joe's if you're not near a Central Market). I had to dig among the $20 chocolates and $10 bars of glycerin soap to find my gems but I came up with four fabulous items I hope these teachers will love:

- a holiday three-pack of Lindor Truffles

- a tiny bottle of Kiss My Face lotion

- a cute box of Miso Pretty Fruit Gum

- a pack of Choward's Violet Candy

I tossed them all into the mini gift bags, tied them up with curling ribbon, stuck gift tags on them and for less than $40 (which was equal to what I spent on just two teachers last year) the result was eight unique, and hopefully delightful, teacher gifts.

Sure, it's not cold, hard cash for Target or some other retailer but I wanted to be sure to give every teacher a gift even on my tight budget. They spend precious time with our children, teaching them, caring for them and being role models for them. The least I can do is to let them know they are all appreciated.

What are you giving your child's teacher(s) for the holidays this year? Do you like to give big gifts or baked goods? Or do you employ your crafty skills to produce handmade gifts? I'd love to hear how you solve the often stressful problem of how to thank your kids' teachers!

Teaching your kids to give back

Although my husband and I work to instill our children with a sense of responsibility for helping others year round, the holidays are a wonderful time of year for us to revisit those lessons learned over the last 11 months.

This December our project to help others was inspired by the Texas mommy blogger friends I made at The Motherhood and SeaWorld San Antonio Wildside sleepover in November. The Motherhood editor Julie Pippert connected each of us with soldiers serving in Iraq who won't be able to get home for the holidays. Our mission: to send a little bit of home to them to bring joy to their holiday season.

 I'm an Army brat so this particular project tugged at my heartstrings in a highly personal way. My dad served in Vietnam before I was born. After my sister and I came along our family moved around the country and the world, my sister and I having to change schools every two or three years. It was not an easy life but it was a colorful one filled with people from nearly every race, culture, and perspective as well as fantastic, beautiful and historic places most kids never get the chance to see. Still, as a family, we made sacrifices for my dad's service to our country. But none like the challenges I imagine soldiers in wartime and their families face today. Our family never had to endure the lengthy separations that these soldiers and their families do. I'm thankful that my family was able to participate in this project to show our support, even in some small way, to our men and women in uniform.

Our daughter is four and some may think she's too young to understand what a soldier is, what a soldier does. But we had a nice conversation about that topic today. She learned that soldiers are brave, kind, and helpful people whom we trust to watch over and protect us and our country. She now knows that soldiers sometimes have to give up important time with their family and friends to do their jobs. She wrote each of the soldiers a letter (complete with "You're Super!" and "Terrific Work!" stickers) and she helped us prepare boxes with goodies (trail mix, candy, iTunes gift cards) and necessities (toothpaste, toothbrush, lotion, baby wipes, sunscreen) to thank them for all they do.

 Sending these boxes to soldiers overseas is a small gesture and the least our family can do to let these men and women know how much we appreciate their hard work and sacrifice for America and for our little family. I'm proud that my daughter took part in this experience and that she will always be respectful of and thankful for the people in whom our nation's safety is entrusted.

What projects have you created with your kids to teach them to give back? I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions!

When your child shares a birthday with Jesus

 My son turns two on December 27th. I didn't plan for him to have a birthday so close to Christmas. Although, I guess I sort of did. He was due on December 31 but because my first child was 10 days overdue and GIGANTIC (10lbs, 6 oz) my doctor wanted to forcibly invite my second-born to join the family a week early. December 27 was the best day for all parties involved. Good call on my OB's part, I guess, because he was born also weighing 10lbs, 6oz and he arrived two weeks earlier than his sister did when she was born. Two extra weeks of incubation could have had me delivering a nearly 12-pound baby. Being featured on CNN for producing the largest baby in 2007 was most certainly not on on my To Do list.

So now, and for the rest of his life, my son will share his birthday week with the Baby Jesus. It hasn't been tricky so far to keep his birthday and Christmas separate. Last year we held a small family party on the 27th with a cowboy theme and a different group of gifts than those he received just two days earlier. He had fun at his party but he would have been happy if we'd ignored the date. I mean, he turned one. He would have been happy nursing frequently and occasionally ripping up magazine pages for sport.

Now that he's turning two we haven't changed our birthday approach much. We'll have another small party on the 27th and invite a few friends as well as family. We'll have a Monster Jam theme with a Batman cake and presents. But it's not this birthday---his second---that I spend time thinking about. I wonder how we'll differentiate his birthday celebrations from Christmas in the years to come. I don't ever want him to feel that his special day got lost in the fray of the preparations of the season.

Of course we won't use Christmas wrapping paper for birthday gifts and maybe we should take the tree down so it won't feel so much like the holiday is overshadowing his big day. But, as he gets older, will his friends be able to attend his future parties? Or will they be traveling with family or busy with other holiday plans?

Do you have, or know of, a child with a birthday close to Christmas? What suggestions do you have to help keep the celebrations separate and yet special?

Preparing for Christmas: trim the toys before the tree

Christmas is a lovely time of year. Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile. Wait. Where have I heard that before? Anyway, it's true. The holidays are full of fun, food, friends and, well, toys. Lots and lots and heaping lots of toys. Mothers the world over cringe at the thought of adding yet more mostly useless toys to their children's bedrooms and playrooms every Christmas because they're already filled to the brim with outdated, broken, mismatched and rarely-played-with toys. 

But, it's only December 4. We can still take charge of this situation before the next toy inundation begins! Or so I thought when I attempted the nearly impossible earlier this week. I carved a few hours out of my hectic schedule, rolled up my sleeves and threw myself deep into a pit of stuffed animals, flashing lights, beyond-annoying sounds and puzzles pieces (dear God, the puzzle pieces!) to ruthlessly separate the mélange into four piles:

1. The trash pile
If your child hasn't looked at, touched or acknowledged this toy in any way other than to beam his sister on the head with it and it's missing pieces or is damaged, trash it. No regrets, don't look back.

 2. The donate pile
If you have toys in good condition but your child has outgrown them, give them to Goodwill or a friend who's expecting a baby. Most toys can last a lifetime but that doesn't mean they need to continue to be a part of yours. Give it away. Toddlers don't need teething rings. Really.

3. The keep pile
Doll houses, cars, train sets, baby dolls and, yes, even the odd puzzle (if all the pieces are still there) are good mainstays for creative play. Simple toys are often the most fun because your child can dream up ways to play with them. Keep toys that stimulate creativity.

4. The stuffed animal pile
This particular type of toy warranted it's very own pile during the excavation of our playroom. I coveted stuffed toys for years as a child and yet, as an adult, I simply don't get the appeal. They are nothing but dust-covered space hogs kids usually ignore within 15 minutes of receiving them. I gave our stuffed animals their very own pile because I wanted my daughter to choose which to keep and which to give to kids who need them. Are there really kids out there who need stuffed animals? Well, I can't vouch for that. I just know that we don't so we'll let their parents sort it out.

Last, but not least, my most important toy-taming tip? Take on this project while your kids are at school. Trash and donate the unwanted (by you!) toys when your kids aren't around. It'll help you avoid those awkward conversations (But mom, I love my old, dirty Barbie head with the tangled hair that's completely uncombable. Why can't I keep her? PLEASE let me keep her. Please, please, please, please!!! *insert hysterical sobbing here*). When they return from school and see a newly cleaned bedroom or playroom I assure you they won't even miss the items you've tossed. They'll be too shocked by the fact that they can actually see the floor.

Things we can't write in mommy blogs

When my daughter was three months old I started my first blog. It was all about the two of us: about her adorable baby quirks; about my hilarious, ridiculous and sometimes painful launch into full-fledged, first-time motherhood; about the myriad of things that only other parents can understand. I found a community of people who were either going through the same things I was or had already been through them and had emerged, mostly unscathed, on the other side. I found support. I found suggestions (which were especially helpful when my daughter was biting while breastfeeding--OUCH!). I found compassion. I found friends.

 But as the years go on and my daughter graduates from baby to toddler, from preschooler to emerging PERSON (yes, I can hardly believe it myself - babies become people, consider yourself warned) I blog less and less about her. Sure, I blog less about her little brother too but in his case I (shamefully) haven't blogged as much about him because I'm much busier now and this being-a-mom gig is no longer new. I find myself blogging less about my daughter simply because she is a person now. She's not just some cute baby who's rejecting carrots or refusing to nap (fortheloveofGodwhywon'tshenap???). She has real feelings that could be hurt by her mother revealing too many sacred details about her life. She deserves her privacy. And one day she'll probably even cringe at the harmless things I wrote about her when she was an infant like the funny things she said or the frustrating mess that is the potty training process. What will she say or think if I write about her flaws and about the struggles she's facing now that she's older?

Like her older half-brother, her older half-sister, her mother and father all before her, she is not perfect. True, she is very smart, incredibly kind, wonderfully intuitive. But she, like all of us, has her foibles. Is it my place to discuss them openly in this forum? I wrestle with this. Since she was a baby I always turned to you, my community, my friends, my support system to share our struggles---hers and mine---with you. You give me hope, ideas, suggestions, laughter, tears and through all of that I have grown as a parent. Writing about the difficulties of mothering makes me a better mother.

But where is the line between my parenting and her privacy? It's there. I think it's been shifting. But it's time for the line to stay firm. I've tried to find ways to write about the big challenge we're facing, the help we are seeking, the frustrations, the worry, my sadness and the overbearing protectiveness I feel for my daughter, all without being too detailed. But so far I haven't found a way to do it without betraying her.

For now, I'll keep these details private. My job is to protect my child, not make things harder for her so they'll be easier for me. But I know you understand. I know you keep some of your own challenges to yourself, locked up inside your family, things you can't or won't openly share on a blog. Just knowing we have that in common helps a little bit. And some days, for this mom, that has to be enough.

The H1N1 vaccine: We got it

Our kids did, actually. My husband and I are not considered high risk so we were not vaccinated. But our daughter (4 years) and our son (almost 2 years) did at a local H1N1 vaccine clinic about two weeks ago. 

We did not reach the decision to give our children this vaccine without lots of research and a bit of concern. I read as much as I could from many different sources about the vaccine and it's production process. I consulted both our pediatrician and our allergy/asthma doctor---who recently diagnosed both kids with "presumptive restrictive airway disease," (a fancy way of saying they might have asthma but they also might not)--and, especially because our kids might have asthma, we decided that the risks of not getting the vaccine outweighed the risks of getting it.

I haven't always felt this way about vaccines. In fact, our son still hasn't received the MMR vaccine because I'm currently not convinced that the risks of getting it outweigh the benefits (although it's likely that I'll have him get that shot sometime in the coming year after his second birthday).

Neither of our kids has had any side effects from the shot, not even a slight fever, which put me at ease. And they were able to receive the mercury-free version of the vaccine. The worst part about getting the shot was waiting in a long line (and watching people who were not in the high-risk group get angry when they were turned away) and then having to watch our terrified babies get poked. There were no side effects but there were LOTS of tears.

We'll go back in another two weeks for their second dose unless the recommendation that children under the age of 10 get two doses 28 days apart changes by then.

The second wave of Swine flu cases seems to be waning in our city, according to our pediatrician. But that doesn't mean we can all forget about it. It could come back for another round and it's possible it could mutate and come back stronger than ever. Getting the vaccine is not a 100% guarantee that our children won't contract the illness but it will, hopefully, provide them some protection and keep them safer than they might have been without it.

Did your kids get the H1N1 vaccine yet? If not, why? I know it was a very personal decision for us and I'd love to hear any opposing views and/or decisions.

Introducing some of Texas' finest and funniest mommy bloggers

Getting to pet and feed the dolphins at SeaWorld San Antonio was amazing but meeting some of the best mommy bloggers in Texas took the experience to a whole other level. Put 12 smart, funny, beautiful, creative and nurturing women in one place and there's no telling what stories, photos, video and legends may come of it. I was lucky and proud to be a part of such a talented group. Luckily, you can visit the Raising Enlightened Kids with SeaWorld San Antonio Circle on The Motherhood to see more from our overnight aquatic adventure. But I want to share with you the blogs of the wonderful women I met.

First off were the Austin mommies:

Erica, HaleMom.com, @thehalemom 
Erica is lovely and she reminded us all of those heady days of early parenthood when you almost can't stand to be away from your precious babe. She had a great time but you could tell that her baby girl (just 6 months old and staying with dad at a nearby hotel) was always on her mind.

Kelly, Savvy Moxie, @SavvyMoxie 
Kelly is tall and pretty and told us a funny story about the not-so-family friendly ads that accidentally ran on her blog one time. She's a super-enthusiastic blogger who asked lots of great questions and took advantage of the vast amount of blogging knowledge that the veterans in the room (or penguin house) were more than happy to share.     

Joy, Mommy’s Joy, @mommysjoy 
Not only is Joy, well, joyful, she's also charming and generous. Her funny descriptions of her "18-month-old daughter who's going on 18 years" attest to the depth of love she has for her. She let me borrow her super-firm, top-of-the-line air mattress and didn't even freak when I thought I'd broken it (thankfully, I hadn't). Maybe next time Joy lends me her mattress I'll actually sleep on it.

Representing Dallas:           

Heather, Savings so Sweet, @heathermama 
Heather is a warm and friendly soul and when you add to those great traits her talent for helping moms save money, it's easy to see why she's so popular. She's also a mom to three which automatically makes this mom to two in complete awe of her and the fact that she maintains not only a blog but also her sanity. I, however, am not as lucky in that department.

Dwan, Momma D Jane, @MommaDJane  
Dwan is one of those women who inspire you immediately. This gorgeous, young mother of three has managed to take difficult circumstances for both herself and her children and turn them around in amazing ways. You can tell that Dwan knows what she wants and she's going after it with vigor. We should all be so lucky to live our lives as full of promise and passion as Dwan does.  

My hommies, the San Antonio contingent, both of whom I met on Twitter first and then fell in love with in real life, much like in an Internet dating love story:

Debi, San Antonio Busy Kids, @MomonMars 
Where do I even begin? Since we met through Twitter Debi is now one of my very favorite people to spend time with and getting the chance to hang out with her all night long (literally, we were the only ones up with the penguins at 3:00 a.m.) was a treat. She's witty, wise and caring. And to think I found this dear friend on Twitter. Whoever says social networking is pointless hasn't used it to make a friend like Debi.

Dawn, Not Going Postal, @lettergirl 
Also on my Most Favorite People in the Universe list, Dawn cracks me up on Twitter daily and in person when I'm fortunate enough to see her. Rapier sharp wit matched with the kindest heart around and writing skills that should make Anna Quindlen worry about losing her book contract to her, Dawn is equally adept at making you laugh so hard you'll pee your pants and making you cry so hard you grab your children and smother them with love and gratitude for days. I get the feeling I'm only scratching the surface of getting to know this @lettergirl. I look forward to learning more about her from A to Z.  

Our only beach bunny, from Corpus Christi:

Rachel, Southern Fairy Tale, @sthrnfairytale 
Rachel was the first of the SeaWorld #wildside group that I met and I liked her immediately. She's a mom to two who you'll rarely see without her camera (so it's no wonder she's gotten so good at photography - she's always seeing the world through her lens and reflecting the image with her own, beautiful spin). She's spunky and fun and has an envious blogging resume (Blissfully Domestic, anyone?).

And our gracious, warm, and wonderful organizers and hosts:

Julie, Using My Words (Houston), @jpippert 
A mother, an activist, and smarter-and-taller-than-I'll-ever-be, Julie is someone I've always wanted to meet since I started reading her blog years ago. When she called me back in October I almost swallowed my iPhone. Julie Pippert was calling ME? To invite me to a Texas mommy blogger sleepover??? I kept looking around for the hidden camera but since I was alone, driving in my car, I realized I wasn't being Punked. In person she is just as kind and smart and organized (!) as you knew she would be.

Kami, Communication Overtones, @kamichat 
Since I started following Kami on Twitter earlier this year she's become someone I look up to both professionally and personally. Like some of these other amazing mom bloggers, she has three kids which, let me just say again, I am in awe of. Anyone who can juggle a full-time business and a family with success and grace is someone I can learn from. Professionally she's a top social media expert, speaking to and working with people all over the country. I always learn from her tweets and blog posts and I count myself lucky to have met her.

Emily, co-founder of TheMotherhood.com (New York), @EmilyMcKhann 
Emily, along with Cooper Munroe, founded TheMotherhood.com, a fantastic and unique social networking site for moms. Members connect through circles and talks where they can get to know each other, answer each other's questions and build a community of support. Emily is one of the absolutely nicest, friendliest people you could ever meet which is probably why she wanted to create a site that brings people together. She spent time with Oprah today to promote Mom Sends the Message, The Motherhood's campaign to reduce distracted driving. So if you believe in six degrees of separation and Emily and I were at the same sleepover just four days ago, it's kinda like I met Oprah too. Wanna touch me?

Thank you again to SeaWorld San Antonio, Kami, Julie, Emily, and all of the phenomenal women listed above for a sleepover filled with fun, learning, laughter and friends. Let's do it again!

[photo credit: shot of Texas mommy bloggers hanging out in the penguin house by SavvyMoxie]

Welcome, Brain, Child Readers!

Who doesn't love Brain, Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers? Grab your latte, green tea, glass of wine or vodka martini and stay a while. We invite you to browse our categories and archives and comment on posts that connect with you. We've been writing for and about parents and parenting since 2008. At the heart of our purpose is to remind others that every baby has potential, regardless of race, gender or socio-economic status. 

We've witnessed, too many times in our community, at-risk children who don't always receive the same opportunities and encouragement that we were fortunate enough to receive while we were growing up. But every baby has potential. It's a message we hope to spread: Every baby has value. Every baby has the potential to be what ever he or she wants to be. We created Baby Potential, a baby/toddler clothing company, and we donate a portion of our profits back to organizations that help babies reach their full potential.

Thanks for stopping by. We hope to get to know all of you thinking mothers! 

Selfish mommy

Have you ever had one of those days where you give, give, give, give, give? You give to your kids, to your husband, to your pets, to your job. You drive to school, to the doctor's office, to client meetings, to school pick-up, to after-school programs, back to the doctor's office, to the pharmacy, to home. You can't recall a single moment of the day you spent doing something for yourself (other than going to the bathroom, and really that's just a feature of the human experience not a benefit, so it DOES NOT COUNT).

And then you finally get both kids in bed and you crank out one last hour of work before sitting down to watch your DVR'ed episode of Brothers and Sisters (Enough snickering. You know you watch it too.) before heading to bed for your nightly 4.5 hours of sleep and your child starts coughing uncontrollably, is it completely selfish to think to yourself, "SHUT UP ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!"? 

Yeah, I thought so.